Tag Archives: pissed off

Abundant living

What do people get really get for their hard work?  If we obey the laws and principles of this life, this world, life for everybody can be abundant.

Our father said if you come to me and seek me, you will find me and you will be blessed. We can give all the glory in the word to God, but if we are not to obey his words, and take actions into our own hands. Life turns into nothing.  He has designed all of our lives for abundance. He wants us to be free from every addiction, hurt and discontent. He did not make us to live miserable lives. he made us to find purpose. For the scripture says Everything has been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. There  is no use arguing with God about your destiny. Ecclesiastes 6:10

This is why we must turn to our heavenly father for everything that we go through. He will guide, he will provide, he will set people free.

Book Of Ecclesiastes

There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven.

This has been my most favorite book in the bible for a very long time. The first time I read this book was on 8/29/2006.   My first time building a relationship with God. I was in jail for selling drugs. I love this book because it talks about all areas of life. It talks about death, deceit, lying, other people faithfulness or lack of. It also talks about the good things in life. Like, working hard, having everything that you want. It says in the book that everything that happens under heaven is meaningless. It really helped me in the time I was in trouble because I got the worst sentence for it being my first time in trouble.

During this season in my life, I did not like the fact I got the worst of it all. My thoughts were that why do I have to do all this time in jail, fight for freedom when there were so many people who got let off, and was not punished like I was. I really had a hard time of understanding why bad people had it all. When I knew in my heart I was a good person that made bad decisions, and got punished really bad.

This booked help me because it was meaningless. All of my thoughts about people and their decisions and how they were blessed and how I thought I was not was meaningless. Why?

It does not matter what other people get for their actions we all serve the same God, and he makes our plans. He determines our destiny.

I have heard my Pastor and church talk about how depressing this book was to them here recently. I did not understand why? I was thinking that maybe I misunderstood the book. No I did not. God was using king Solomon to talk about every season in life and how unjust life is. When we turn our eyes on God, it does not matter what happens on this earth, to you or anyone else. He is not saying that it is “meaningless” per say. He is saying My children let me take care of it. Give it all to me for I am the most powerful God in the Universe. there is nothing I cannot handle.

This book saved my freedom. I turned it all over to God during this time and I was saved from going to prison for 5 years.

Deep Thinking

Jesus went through a lot in his life, but he managed to stay pure, and he never sinned. He was full of Love, Peace and Joy, no matter what happened to him. He was beaten, abused, lied about, and abandoned, of course so much more. When I think about my life, and what I have been through, and have always been grateful for it, because I knew there was a plan behind it all.

In my thinking, I have been trying to figure out if the lord looks at our life, and what we have been through as us being hung on the cross Just like Jesus. With all of the bad things that happen in our lives. I do think they are similar to what Jesus went through. Although Jesus never sinned, he still was very humble, had a lot of humility, loving, caring, and he saved.

Jesus obeyed his Father in heaven. He knew the father had a plan for him. He did exactly what he was told to do. He trusted his father in heaven with all his heart. I know that this is what I do in my own life. I trust the heavenly father. It is a great feeling not to have to worry. Realistically, my heavenly father has given me everything I want, all the help that I need, and I have not done nothing with it.

Last night I was led to read 1Corithians. I wanted to read the whole book, so I did. They talk about the resurrection of Christ. Was it true? Jesus rose from the dead 3 days after being hung on the cross, he was seen by 500 followers, and 12 Apostals. He died on the cross has a human, rose from the dead, and came back in Spirit. He died for us, and for our sins.

I’d like to think of our sinful nature has being dead. As humans, we have free will, and a choice. No matter what walk of life we lived, or subject too. When we follow the way of the world, and live a earthly life, and caught up in Addictions, cursing, disrespect, jealousy, envy and so much more, wouldn’t we be considered dead. Dead on the inside. Sin becomes the way of  living, we worship our sins, and live them out day to day. There is no self control, no self discipline, no self Love. Just living the worldly life, and giving into worldly standards. We live for sin.

When giving up control of everything to the Heavenly father, we can become transformed.. Brought back to life, just has Jesus was brought back to life, when he was risen from the dead. If we can believe that Jesus was once human, risen from the dead in spirit and know that he saves and transforms people by believing in him, and the power of the holy spirit. Then we have no reason to keep sinning over and over again. If one keeps sinning over and over again, the Farther will have you under a curse, and you will be miserable and the most unhappiest person in the world.

This has been heavy on my mind, and have been really thinking about this. Not only did my father in heaven give me conformation on what I was thinking, but he gave me more to think about. My father in heaven will never forsake me, and will never leave me.

I thank you Father in heaven for all of the things you have entered in to my life, lord I thank you for blessing me in so many ways. I thank you for the people you have put in my life, and I just thank you for Jesus, and the power of the holy spirit. Thank you Jesus for filling my mind with more to think about other than my own earthly desires. Please forgive me of my sins Lord, and help me build my character to be more like you. Help me build the foundation of my life, based on the seed you plant in my heart. Lord I am forever Grateful for your Grace Love and Mercy.

I am very grateful

I had a pretty good day today. Still sober woo woo. It’s wonders how you feel once you fear God in a different way than normal. Really the way to fear him is to be grateful for everything that has happened in your life, know matter what it is. I already had that kind of fear from him. I never have blamed him for anything that has happened in my life, have always been grateful. Why? I do not know why. I am guessing he has a plan for me.

The kind of fear I have now, is what he is going to do to me if I keep sinning, because he really wants to bless me. I have not been open to the blessing and he knows it. I was not willing to put him first, my sinning has controlled my life. Even though I know he is watching everything. One little scare is all I needed. I feel blessed and very different today.

Out of the stump of David’s family will grow a shoot-a new branch bearing fruit from the old root.  And the spirit of the Lord will rest in him- the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. Isaiah 11:1-2 NLT

I absolutely love it when the Lord talks straight to me. It happens a lot even though I did not fear him in the way of what he would do to me if I kept sinning. It also says in the bible those who fear the Lord will be truly blessed. Thank you Jesus for all you do, and giving me the courage to have understanding and gratefulness in my heart.

Why Me?

I This morning this was the title of the daily bread. It talks about Jesus and how he died for our sins. How he has set us free by doing so.

I have been alone for 1 week now, I have not done anything. I keep thinking and praying to God, that I just can do what I said I was going to do. I pray for courage and strength everyday. It seems to be helping each day.  I asked the Holy Spirit to wake me up at 5am this morning. I was woke up at 4:30am, which gives me a half an hour to get up. That is my daily routine for many years, til I fell off the face of the earth. I tossed and turned, struggled going back to sleep, finally got up at 7am.

After getting up taking a shower, and getting ready for the day I found a lump in a very odd place on my body. I am thinking to myself, what now. Gezz Lord seriously. I do not think it is anything bad, but odd. Then I hear the voice in my head saying you better fear me. See, My God knew about my plans, for he made them for me. He knows every move I will take day in and day out. It has got my attention for sure.

With all of this being said, this mornings daily bread was awesome and spoke right to me. For I have been chosen to speak of the Lord, and he has set me free from my sins. it is up to me to keep sober of everything. It makes me happy.

How wonderful is your Grace, Jesus. It’s greater than all my sin. You have taken away my burdens and have set me free. Thank you. I am ready do to your work. It is going to take hard work but I can do it because you set me free.


Here it is 4:45pm in the afternoon and I want to drink. As I sit and argue with myself in my head. WTF. Why do I want to drink? Then the Christian song “Hold on to the promises” by Sanctus Real is playing in my head. Why? God promises us great rewards who obey him. It just really stinks that I can drink. I have to think about my the consequences will be if I drink.

1. Not being a good role model for my daughter.

2. Will get angry, crying, and fighting.

3. It causes huge problems in my relationship.

4. Killing myself.

5. Cost money that I don’t have.

6. Ruining my life.

7. Won’t be able to stop if I start.

8. So why Start.

What is the benefits of staying sober?

1. Not harming myself, or anyone else.

2. Being a good mother, and role model for my daughter.

3. I will have a lot of stuff done by the end of the day.

4. I won’t feel worthless.

5. My attitude will get better as time goes on.

6. I am saving money, getting healthier.

7. On my way to being the person I know and Love.

8. Being obedient to the Lord, so I can receive the blessings waiting for myself and daughter.

9. I will stay Sober.


The Person I want to be

I want to be an encourager, leader, speaker, and  inspiring. In a lot of ways I think that  I am already this person. I let circumstances get the best of me, and act immaturely because I drink. Drinking has taken over my life, and I have done absolutely nothing but drink.

I want to be known as the women who survived it all, not the drunken person who does not have a clue about life. I want to have leaders in my life, and whom drives me to my purpose. Good people who want the same things I want in life. People who has already accomplished these things, people who know how hard, and the struggle to get to where they are now.

I want my daughters to look up at me as a strong women who got through every thing, and they would want to see my courageous moves to make a better life for all of us. That way when they have struggles, because lets face it they will, they can think of their mother and say I conquered it, and I know they would too if they looked up to me. That is not going to happen if I continue. My kids do mean the world to me, and I want them to have so much more than what I did. I definitely do not want them going through the same things I did. I want them to look up to me and know that I love them, and did whatever it took to make sure they are loved, cherished and have respect for life.

I also want to see the world, go sky diving, minister, help people get through their struggles because if people who have had a life like mine, see that it is possible, I could help so many. That is what I want. I want to lead people to Christ, because he is coming back.

I want my life to be as blue and beautiful as the sky. I want my life to be fulfilled, and have accomplishments, set goals and have self discipline, and self control. This is what I want for my kids too. There are to many things to do in this life time to wasting it with alcohol.

Lastly I want my kids and the world to see that I never gave up.