You know I have never been a violent person. I hated violence. The first time I encountered violence in person was when I first met my mother. I went from being with sophisticated house hold to a violent house household. I remember being so scared of hearing my mom and the husband fight all the time. I had never been exposed to anything like that before in my life. Than I did not like the way mom lived, compeletely different than my dad. I NEVER heard and or saw my dad fight at all. Even when I knew the tention in the house. That wife did not like me at all.

I did not like the way my mother lived, I could not wait to get back to my dad. Finally, got back to my dad. vacationed in Blue mesa on the  ay back to Vegas. Loved it. The first night we were back in Vegas, I woke up to my brother screaming bloody murder, got up and my dad was beaten the ship out of my brother. I still have the visual in my head when I saw my brother.  It was bad. Then I hated life there but was a very good kid. I stuck up for my brother all the time so he would not get beat.

ow I am not here to complain about nothing. However, I am not a bad women. I do believe people think of me has a good women. I haven’t been completely open about my life over this last year and 5 months. OMG, so scary to think.

It’s embarrssing, humiliating, and yet so open. I have been through a lot in my life, as we all know. I have put up with a lot of crap. I have been an escape goat, supporter, lover, a wife, and a mother. I kept my mouth shut for years. Remind you I have been through a lot, but have always picked up the pieces and moved on.

Aft I lost my child, it changed me, to a very hateful person. I have an attitude that if you cross, me there is no keeping my mouth shut. I know that is not the kind of attitude or thinking I should have. As we all know it is not working for me.

With this all being said as I have said before it’s time to change.

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