Gratitude

For most, gratitude either comes and goes or is nothing at all. Some people do not even know what gratitude is, or how to feel it. I want to say ” The said part of it is….. I have always have had gratitude at least for my own life and for the my own personal circumstances no matter how hard they are, or happy they are”.  Really that is not sad to say that it truly is a blessing.  When I express that feeling with other people, they look at me like I am crazy, (especially negative people). It is crazy to me, how one can be so defined by their problems. Do not get me wrong I am not innocent in that area. I am just has guilty as anyone, I promise.

When taking one step forward and going for it, it seems I fall right back to step one. One day I am saying I am not going to do this, or that….. it’s almost like I curse myself. It doesn’t take long for me to do what I said I was not going to do. I have been thinking about this a lot late, to my God. why is it that when I speak of what I am not going to do, I do it. The lord tells, me you must not be boastful of anything but him. That really has a lot to do with my character has a person. Plain and simple, don’t try and be someone your not.

What is the hold saying ” You ain’t got to lie to kick it” I have lied to the person I love to get him back.Which really shows his character, of what the motive truly is. In this case I suppose I am just as guilty has he is. My love stands so strong, because that is really what my character is, however settling for less is not always best.

I love it when I write, then can feel my own words as I write them. It is crazy. Sometimes when I write it brings a new perspective to my own current situations, and to my life. Or my thoughts become more real, and not sugar coated, or fake. It is truth. I do not realize this till I write it. This does not happen all of the time but some.

This is my 2nd day sober from Alcohol, I have only smoked 1 cig in the ALMOST 48 hours. I capitalized almost because that word can be used in so many different perspectives. In this perspective it is IMPORTANT. It is amazing the creativity that comes to one in a short period of time. Thinking about my life today with my ever so “Positive” dad, made me so sad honestly. Sitting at the table picking up my daughter was the best part. I hadn’t seen her in ALMOST 2 weeks. At the same time feeling like I was worthless, not making a normal living. Listening to my dad praise this person who is not so nice. How can one be labeled by what they own, or by what they have accomplished in their life.

Truly this character should not worry about it, and be humble and confident to know who she is, what she is capable of, and Knows her God has her back, and that she really does not listen to a word she says, and contradicts everything she says she believes in.

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