I have a lot to say about 2014. I have been through this year. I have learned a lot about life, more so about myself. My journey through out the year I am grateful for. I have been very selfish, deceitful, and lost total site of my dream. Do I think my dream will come true, absolutely. Knowing that it already has by the doing of someone else is okay with me. I trust in the lord and know that when I walk the holy life, I will be blessed beyond belief. It is all in my hands, I made a vow that, my new life has a sober person starts today.
I knew that when I made up my mind, that things will be much better. The lord talks to me everyday. All that goes through my head, is to hold on to the promises of God, and I will be a leader, and have everything I desire. 2014 as of every year was a struggle. 2014 was in some ways different than any other year, because I never had hope in the other years. I did not have a vision of anything, other than living a normal life of work, taking care of the kids, and being a wife. When I had a vision in 2013, it all changed for me. Even though I have failed, I do know that it is temporary. Things have not gone right. I have lived in self pity and blaming others for my faults.
I also feel as if the unseen people have not been honest with me either. I feel as if I let good unseen people in my life, because they were the only ones whom have ever believed in me, or that I really am a special person, and have a lot to offer the whole world. I do know that I have burned a lot of bridges, I have acted stupid in ways of my behavior. I also know that I was not willing, or ready to give up my own personal desires to have everything I have ever wanted.
I am now homeless, I am working a job of $8.00 an hour. Not only that but will be working graveyards for the next 4 days. I am not complaining I am very grateful for my current situation. I am happy to be out of the house, I am happy to be in the public again. Going to go get a job, was the best thing that I could have done for myself. I feel so much better about myself. My confidence has grown tremendously. I am smiling more, and associating with people. I still need to work on eye contact and looking up at the customers in the store. I do not look at them. I know that sounds weird, but it is true. I am realizing that I need to make that eye contact and not be so timid.
I am getting better at that because, I am realizing was it is I need to do. That is my next goal, or goal as of right now. I did grow a lot in 2014. When starting I could not journal, I could not do a lot of things. I felt out of place, and did not deserve all of the good things, and or people in my life.
I feel different about that now. It is weird to just one day feel completely different about yourself, and having a clear vision again. I still fight with the fact that I do believe I am a victim of Identity theft. As that thought rolls is my mind, I still think it is all for the good. I know that sounds crazy but it is true. I will be the only one that can prove I am right with my feelings on this topic.
At this point I do not know what I will be selling online. I guess my services, and god will lead me to the final destination, as I not only work my ass off to stay sober, but work my ass off and keep building myself, and my life on the foundation of God. It will take hard work, self discipline, and self control.
It will be worth all of it in the end. I am looking forward to all of it. I will stay at my $8.00 an hour job until I get what is mine. No taking steps back, only going forward.
Through Christ, anything can be done.
I am thankful for all things good and bad, and plan on changing my life, from this day forward on the foundation of God, to build my character of God’s and Jesus, for he has a plan for me. I am his messenger, and ready to be just that.
Here is to the first day of 2015, and to the new life I am about to live. I have not seen my daughter in almost 2 weeks and I am super excited to see her tomorrow
Everyone have a blessed day, I can maybe blog tonight at work.